So you’ve made the decision to become a part of the vegan community, do you part in saving the world, and never consume animal products or by products ever again. Congratulations! This is the very best thing you can do for yourself and for the planet. During your transition or even years after you transition, you’ll be forced to interact with “non vegans.” They’re everywhere. Hopefully we’ll far outnumber them some day! Fingers crossed. And toes. Friends and family can be the most stressful factors during a vegan transition.
Some of these interactions may be super positive and moments to educate and inspire future transitioning vegans, friends and family, but others may not be as uplifting and cause you to feel angry, upset, and frustrated.
Don’t worry! You’re far from alone in this! Every single one of us have had to defend NUMEROUS times why we’re vegan, what we eat, why can’t we just suck it up from grandma and eat her lasagna. It happens.
There are many different ways of dealing and communicating with friends and family who are non vegan if you’re sensing the lack of support.
Get Ready To Talk…A Lot
Firstly, ask if they have any questions. (Usually loaded with accusations) And politely answer them, use this moment as a platform to explain why you chose to become vegan. Educate them on the major health risks of the standard American diet, and the massive impact the factory farms have on our environment, or the horrifyingly inhumane slaughterhouse practices. Whatever your decision was to sway you to become vegan, this is your moment.
However, don’t become preachy. Vegans tend to teeter the line of being “preachy.” At least thats what our reputation leads us to believe. Be short and sweet but to the point. And get ready to defend all your points usually bare minimum 500 times. No really…
A lot of non vegans feel as though because we’re educating them on why we became vegan, in the process we’re almost throwing shade at their diet and health choices. So be prepared to have a little hostility to deal with as well. Be conscious of how you’re wording things. Most non vegans think they’re “animal lovers” and we tend to disagree as they’re funding the largest animal cruelty in the world. So be mindful of that, these are people who think they’re lifestyle is perfectly healthy and they love ALL animals and would NEVER want to hurt one. *eyeroll* Just don’t do that at the table.
I always say food is tradition. Because it is. Trust us, everyone will have something to say when they first find out your a vegan. Wether you’re not eating the main course on thanksgiving anymore, or you’re ditching the fish option at Christmas. In our family, we ditch the meatballs for our Italian Christmas Eve, and we ditch the turkey and ham for….every other holiday.
Anyone else have family like that? We basically eat Thanksgiving dinner for basically every single holiday except Christmas Eve. It was always bomb though every time! It’s still bomb, just vegan-ized!
When you first start doing “bolder” things like that, because thats what its viewed as, bolder, it’s bold that we’re choosing to not eat that Thanksgiving Day turkey, be prepared for the 21 questions. People become offended when you don’t eat the food they prepare you. Not all, but some. The way they show that offense? Questions and grilling. So be ready and know your stuff.
Make sure you really resonate with your reasons for becoming vegan because there actually are a lot of people who may truly and honestly want to learn about veganism and why you’re doing it. Maybe you’re someone who loves meat and dairy and the fact that you’ve put this huge stance on it makes people want that why question answered even more!
Always Bring Vegan Food With You
Whenever you have a family gathering or a friend get together, I always use this as a chance to “sway and impress non vegans.” This is the time to show off those skills. Answer the main questions – So what DO you eat? BOOM. This, Auntie Karen. Try it its to die for. And there we go.
Sharing is caring guys. People are curious and more often than not people will try your food. Especially the weird ones! That mysterious “vegan cheese.” Before you know it Auntie Karen might just ask you for that weird ass cheese recipe before you leave!
What if the get together is out at a restaurant? Don’t panic. You can always suggest places that are vegan inclusive as well as non vegan inclusive. Something for everyone. We don’t expect friends and family to want to dine at an all vegan restaurant and if they do, keep those people nice and close to you because THEY ROCK!
I always have snacks with me wherever I go just in case. You never know. If its a restaurant that isn’t a chain and maybe a bit more upscale, you can always call ahead and tell the managers your a vegan and coming to their restaurant for the first time and just didn’t want to cause a scene with family later, but what options do I have? You’ll be surprised how many restaurants will whip something up special, just for you!
Have A Thick Skin
As a vegan we MUST be able to take jokes. We find ourselves a lot of the time, at the brunt of a joke. Its okay. It really happens to us all. Sometimes we just have to simply laugh. We don’t want to use every single opportunity as a preachy one. Right? We’re busting that myth. Vegan’s aren’t preachy. We just don’t consume animals- how hard is that?!
Be prepared for a lot of joking, a lot of busting, and a lot of teasing. Doesn’t mean these people don’t support you and it doesn’t mean they love you less. They just may not know what else to say, or maybe they’re just entirely uninterested. Both which are okay. Not everyone will want to listen to us and ask us questions, some just will bust you. It is what is is.
We’re not losing friends or family over this. None of us are! Its never worth that. So as heated as conversations can get sometimes, just like politics and religion, we can’t let that drive our relationships apart from the people we love and care about. It just isn’t right. So have a thick skin, take the joke, and switch the topic.
Breathe And Count To 3
Things are going to happen when youre at a restaurant, or at someones home where you won’t be able to eat the meal you’ve been given for one reason or another. Maybe Aunt Carol served your salad with parmesan cheese, or maybe she put milk in the mashed potatoes, or maybe she used an egg wash when she was breading eggplant. It happens. Understand that ALL of these people will think of this as no big deal and either wipe off the cheese, eat the eggplant anyway, or screw the milk in the mashed potatoes.
You on the other hand, will not eat that food. And thats okay! We support you and we’ve all been here. You don’t want to make your friends or family feel bad but again do what we do best- we defend why our choices are the way they are and reassure up and down that its okay and not to worry about it. They’ll feel bad. Its normal, and its okay.
People may give you a really hard time here. This is your thickest skin. Breathe and count to 3.
I worked with littles for a while before going into the hairdressing industry and that was my famous line whenever a little was flipping out about one thing or another. Breathe and count to 3. Everything will be okay. Vegans find themselves here in this place a lot and we sure do know how to count to 3 JUST PERFECTLY – Don’t we Auntie CAROL!!!!
This Too Shall Pass
Eventually whatever gathering you’re having will come to an end. Yes, another will start eventually at some point, but hopefully you’ll have some bounce back time and be ready to have the same thick skin, ready to defend veganism all over again.
Veganism is rising HARD and FAST. Remember you’re not the only one who has to deal with these types of conversations. I’ve never met an all vegan family – including extended family, but if they exist – you’re the true unicorns of vegans and thats totally awesome. But for the rest of us, we FEEL you. Sometimes the jokes suck, you’re over the gathering, you’re sick of defending, and you just want to crawl in your jammies and eat that pint of non dairy ice cream. DO JUST THAT. You deserve it!!
Give yourself a pat on the back and enjoy that ice cream! Defending your beliefs is really really hard. Be proud every single time you do it, even if you feel defeated. We promise, you’re not the only one, we’re ALL here to support you.
The FEMPIRE has your back!