The Most Common Relationship Issues With A Vegan Partner
So heres the scene. This is 2019 so maybe these sort of things don’t happen anymore because everyone meets online. BUT. Firstly, you’re super attracted to this new person you MET and you really want to ask them on a date. NOT knowing they’re a vegan. Secondly, you finally get the courage to strike up a small conversation (come on millennials we know you can do that) you fumble out some words and ask them to grab dinner. To your huge surprise, they say yes. However, add to your new discovery, this new person you fancy tells you they’re one of those dreaded VEGANS. UH OH. Now what!
You know nothing about veganism. You probably are just fine in your animal consuming lifestyle, enjoying turkey dinners on thanksgiving, serving fish at Christmas, mowing face at Grandmas with her famous homemade mac and cheese. After all, vegans eat like…sticks and leaves right? I had a guy tell me that once. Where do I even bring this person? What do vegans eat? Don’t they wear like grass skirts and drink liquid spinach or some sh*t? Are there certain restaurants I need to go to? What the heck will I eat? I don’t want to eat grass or even worse, a SALAD? NEVER.
This is why people online date, you think to yourself. If they had a profile slapped to their face I could have seen they were a VEGAN and therefore, dodged that bullet.
Now What?
Now all of a sudden you’re really liking this person, but maybe your lifestyles and food choices are clashing. Maybe you’ve actually been together for quite some time and one of you decided to make the switch and now we’re bickering because of it. Let us help.
Being in hairstyling for 10 years has taught me that a lot of people have a lot of differences in opinions and judgements when it comes to food. They just do. Food is tradition. Louder for the people in the back.
Food. Is. Tradition.
Think about this one for a minute. When I first made the decision to go vegan I had to explain to my family what I was doing. Why I wasn’t into eating my “favorite meals” they cooked for me for 26 years. Right? It becomes borderline insulting. People start to become offended. And no, not because you’re not eating THEIR food per say, but because maybe you’re throwing subtle shade at how THEY eat, and THEIR lifestyle.
One of those, “well I eat really healthy you know, so even every once in a while you could eat it. I just don’t understand, everything is fine in moderation.” I want you to understand that situation. Understand it for the new person, or to the couple who’s been together and someone is switching their lifestyle, try to understand it for them. They’re seeking your support.
You’re not alone. You’re not a bad person for simply not understanding why they’re changing a lifestyle thats been “working just fine?” No ones getting sick from eating these things, we’ve been doing it for years. You love your family’s cooking. You remember learning the basics of cooking with your parents and grandparents, baking cakes and playing roulette every time you eat raw cookie dough. We’ve all been there.
If you had to describe those feelings you feel angry, frustrated, annoyed, like this other person is constantly judging you for your food choices and for your lack of support. Okay. Now its time to turn the tables.
Dont. Ruin. Your. Relationship.
Relationships are incredibly hard enough as it is. Don’t ruin one over this. What you eat is solely up to YOU and ONLY YOU. However, that being said, I’ve been doing this vegan thing for about 3 years, this is going on my 4th year. I’m still a rookie myself! I’ve been in multiple arguments and hot debates with friends, family, and significant others.
“How long are you going to do this for?” “Well I wanted to make steak, or mac and cheese, or hot dogs for dinner but you won’t eat that so…”
Here it is, its ANNOYING. Think about how you’re feeling right now, all of that frustration, that angry, that annoyance. Thats how your significant other feels as well, just add in lack of the only person’s support they need and crave. They’re not asking you to become a vegan. (They secretly wish you would) But all they’re asking for is an understanding, some support, something like, “whatever you want to do is okay with me, I just don’t know that I could ever adopt a lifestyle like that, but I do want to try the things you make.”
BOOM. Let me introduce you to my friend, COMPROMISE. And no that doesn’t mean your other half will EVER be eating steak.
Understand Their “Why”
Understand veganism and why they’re taking a stand. Veganism is a force. It’s a movement. It’s POWER to change the world. LITERALLY. Understand that veganism is the #1 thing you can do to change the world. (Check out why and how, HERE) Educate yourself. Find out WHY this person is so die hard into this ideology that clashes with your own. Find out why maybe their DOCTOR recommended a plant based diet. (Thats becoming a thing too, YAY) Just simply TRY. Thats all this person wants.
Its crazy overwhelming your first few months as a vegan. Most people will wean slowly away from animal based foods where others say f*ck it and drop it all cold turkey. (see what we did there)
As a result, this person is under constant scrutiny and they’re tired. Their body is changing and beginning to process foods differently than yours is. They’re feeling physically different. Again, EDUCATE yourself. Even if you’re one of those stubborn people who doesn’t WANT to learn about it, do it anyway. Just keep it to yourself. Something to lessen you’re own annoyance and frustration. It’ll make it more clear to you, the WHY for them. If that even makes sense. In other words, the more you learn and educate yourself the more aware you become of WHY people do the things they do.
Love = Support
Maybe love is too strong of a word, I did start this article with a new dating couple. But it’s truly directed at ANY couple. For example, I hear ALL the time from my clients, “I wish I could do that, but I know my husband, or my wife, wouldn’t never be on board and its just easier to cook one meal for us both.” Ready. Love = Support. If you love this person and they love you then a mutual understanding and compromise needs to be brought to the table.
Pull away from the mentality that meat is protein. Or even worse, my most HATED one, “Veganism is for chicks, or meat is MANLY.” Coming from a lesbian vegan, meat makes you sick, and your constant arrogance makes you weaker than consuming meat does. Period. I have a whole article on that topic because I simply just HATE hearing that line. Check out our article, “Meat Makes You More Manly, Really?” Get away from any narrow minded mindset that you have regarding food. Jump back to what the beginning of this article was about. YOU are responsible for eating YOUR food. Correct?
Meat: Ben & Sally.
So, let me solve this INSANELY common issue for couples all over the world. Sally wants to eat vegan, Ben won’t budge and its easier for Sally to just cook ONE meal. Sally is the only one compromising here. Not only is she compromising her intelligence as she’s becoming more aware of what her body truly recognizes as food. But after all, she’s compromising her super hero ability of changing the world. She’s compromising ALONE.
Here’s my advice if you’re the Sally in this sitch. GO vegan. If you want it, if you’ve researched, watched documentaries and maybe were given directions by a doctor to choose more plant based options, GOOD FOR YOU! You’re literally a superhero! Stay in control. For instance, you’re the chef! Right? Research plant based foods, choose meals that COULD be made with meat (think stir fries, grilling, mac and cheese- have Mr. Ben add chicken if he pleases) and guess who’s job it will become to cook that? Where’s Ben at? Did he run away from this crazed lesbian vegan author yet? We’re coming for you Benny.
Compromise, Together
Here’s my advice if you’re Ben. CHILL. OUT. Sally is your other half or a potential other half. Therefore, you love her or you could love her at one point in time! You need to do your job of supporting her. No one is slamming kale down your throat and blasting salad dressing in your face. (Even though we might want to) That’s not how this is working. You MUST support her. This is your job as her significant other.
Educate yourself. And if you’re too prideful to talk about it, do it silently. Do your part in the kitchen as well. If she’s cooking a veggie stir fry for dinner and you’d love to eat it with chicken. Make some chicken! If you’re lazy and don’t want to, do it on a day off and make a huge batch for yourself at the beginning of the week. Above all else, understand Sally’s WHY. This is the MOST important part. Her why.
Now, Sally and Ben, come into my office. Have a seat. Lets talk about what you can do TOGETHER. Enter- Pinterest. Pinterest has MILLIONS of recipes that can be cooked 800 different ways. Seriously. Find recipes together! Ben can say, “That looks good, I can always add steak to that, or chicken.” Sallys response, “Yes! And it looks pretty easy too!” DONE.
Learn From Each Other
Life is too exhausting you guys to fight and argue about someones food choices. Veganism is FAST on the move. The dairy industry plummeted this past year and its only going to continue to grow in the future. Sally, great job girl. Ben, we’re here for you too. We understand you and we’re working with you. Support our home girl Sally and all of her new vegan super powers that she is newly adjusting to and be there for her. Relationships are composed of two best friends. Be her best friend. Listen to her, and understand her.
In conclusion, with the force of veganism spreading like wildfire, there will be MANY more Ben and Sally’s, or Ben and Ben’s, or Sally and Sally’s. Work together, don’t ruin your relationship!
Be A Force, Together.
I hope this helped solve a lot of common issues in vegan relationships or at least promoted some healthy conversations about compromise. Support each other, lean on each other. That’s what relationships are all about!